Change

It was 96 degrees as I drove past the Bank of Camilla today to the post office to mail it in. Then, I got there to realize that the post office closes early on Wednesday. It always has and they still do.

So, I ran back to my sister Sarah's office and she's good friends with the FEDEX guy, so she called him and he came on over since he was in that part of town.

While I was waiting on him to get there, I took a look at the pages and wondered what would happen if I just took them and threw them away.  That's right.  

Threw them away

and just forgot about the last three weeks. All the mornings up at 5 am and writing until 5 pm and yesterday's 19 hour binge of writing.

What if I just pretended it never happened?

I want to savor this moment. Not because it feels good but because it doesn't.

I've always glamorized authors - they are my heroes.  Many bloggers are too. Not because they are super human, but because somehow they write things that can travel across centuries and millennia and miles and grip my soul right here in Camilla, Georgia in 2010. 

When I started off blogging, it wasn't really threatening to me.  My RSS feeds started off with zero subscribers, then jumped up to three and then for a good three or four months I had 7 subscribers.  I thought of it -- seven people in the world that were delivered my blog posts when I wrote.  Oh, the joy! I wrote to those seven like they were my dearest friends and in many ways, they were, one sided conversation though it be sometimes.  I imagined someone in Pakistan coming in from the heat to turn on their computer and see the blog post I had just written after a late night in Camilla. It was intriguing.

Change is tough. Putting yourself out there is hard.

Some people will like you. If you're lucky some people will love you.  But you'll also have some who really don't care for you and most who just don't care.  That is the way it is.

I see books on my Kindle now differently.  I wonder about the author.  Did the book change their life in any way? Do they realize that I'm reading it and enjoying the book? Do they know when someone things they've done well?

When I write a blog post people like or hate, I know pretty quickly! YOU TELL ME.  But when there is something in a book - how does that get to you? I think the Kindle highlighting will tell whether people are reading and highlighting but that is still such a small group of people.  How do you know?

This is a reflection for my future self as much as it is for you.

Because change is hard. It brings with it uncertainties and fears.  Fears of failure but sometimes even fears of success.

My husband says that the only people who like change are babies and even then, they cry the whole time.

But there is one sure thing... not trying = change  anyway!

Life Lessons from a Wise Farmer
In fact, my Dad, a farmer, always says, you're either getting better as a person or getting worse. Getting smarter or yes, getting dumber.  Getting fatter or getting fitter. In his world of plants and animals he knows that stasis pretty much doesn't exist in the real world of living organisms.

So, you are, in fact going to change. Period. You don't have a choice.

Either you're going to improve or get worse.  It is your choice.

So, my friends, I'm turning up my vitamin water and turning in my manuscript. Change, here's to you.

Photo Credits
xJasonRogersx Photo Stream - Coins - http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2539/3824486278_7df8d71fe3.jpg

PS. Did you hear Amazon dropped their price on the Kindle to $189?